You Need More Snus Like You Need Another Rectum

So, I just heard that the winners have begun to receive their swag from the giveaway. “What? It’s nearly the end of January,” you may say, “nearly four weeks since they were announced.” Well, I don’t go to the post office. I tried for a while but the one my PO box is at changed its hours after I got it and now it’s pretty much useless. So, I gave the packages to my wife to send. She took them to work, got busy as she was taking a trip to Nicaragua, and left them to sit for a few weeks while she looked at tobacco fields. Sure, I could have sent them myself, but I figure most of you need more snus like you need another rectum.

Meanwhile, scouring the web for snus deals, I saw that — after several weeks off — Offroad American Wintergreen Long Cut has found its way back home to getsnus’s deals page. Usually, when I know something sucks, I don’t want to buy it. But something about ORAWGLC makes me want to send my six quarters over to getsnus to get some.

Nah, fuck it. I’ll be pissed off and want my quarters back.

And finally, my wife has run out of Catch Fresh Peppermint — the only snus she pretends to like. Catch… if you’re out there… more peppermint mini snus please. [she made me type this, I don't care]