The Real Christmas Snus

I knew I wouldn’t like Christmas snus very much. Flavors associated with Christmas are pretty nasty. If I could reinvent Christmas flavors, they would be tequila, guacamole, and vicodin… sounds like Christmas in Tijuana. Anyway, it took Northerner’s super 10th anniversary deal to get me to order Christmas snus. So I got Gotländskt Julesnus Portion and the X-mas snus from the Oomph, Merry Christmas White Mini.

They weren’t that great.

Micro Review of Gotlands’ Julesnus Portion: This jolly snus is a little clovy, a little gingery, and is not sweet. In fact, it’s a little sour. While it’s palatable, it’s not really that sexy.

Micro Review of Oomph Merry Christmas:  You’ll recognize this snus by the ho ho ho on the tin. This sucker is pretty sweet, and tastes like honey and a pinch of about any Christmas spice you can think of. While it tastes pretty nice, it’s got that signature Oomph dustiness in a wonky bag.

I could do better. But I won’t. I don’t deal with cinnamon or cardamom or nutmeg. As you know, I deal with hot sauce, soy sauce, and wasabi. In fact, a buddy from work recently asked me if I had ever made a cake or a pie. I said to him, “Do I look like I lI have a vagina?”

So, I decided to have Mrs. Snus brew up a few batches of merry snus for me. She’s more clever around these spices.

1. Christmas Spice (the wife named it… I would have called it… Jolly-Ass Snus… probably all the others, too)

I was easily able to place the honey and cinnamon, but I’m not sure what the hell nutmeg is. This was a little sweet and very tasty. It already looks like snus companies should fire their Christmas snus maker and hire Mrs. Snus.

2. Eggnog Snus

I had no idea what this was. It’s only slightly better than the stuff the snus experts came up with.

3. Christmas Morning

I knew this one had coffee, but I couldn’t really taste the chocolate or vanilla flavorings, which I’m told were included. Quite nice. I like coffee.

The Real Christmas Snus

The real Christmas snus doesn’t have cinnamon or sugar. It doesn’t taste like a cookie or candy cane. These flavors, although associated with Christmas, are the flavors of childhood Christmas. The Christmas we now know is expensive and loaded with alcohol.

That’s why I think Kardus 2009 is the real Christmas snus.